They should really pass out barf bags in church
this boner is exhausting
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
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Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
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Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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