my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
