i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
