i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
