We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
No more Irish car bombs ever.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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