Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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