is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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