then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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