There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
