Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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