Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
