Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Randomize
