Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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