My friends, they love my intelligence
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
