ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
do herpes really smell.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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