when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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