i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
