I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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