Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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