Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
