Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
