I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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