Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
