i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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