i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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