do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm too high and old for this...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
