I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
babies were throwing up all over the place
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
