Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Text me some of your sweat
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