So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Less talking, more tequila
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
