i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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