just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
