If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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