I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
