There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
