she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
