Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
