so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
