did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
