Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
