so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Everyone says I win the strip club
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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