Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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