Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
