someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
