God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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