I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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