If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
