Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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