Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
