and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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