Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
