took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
