That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
