Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
