I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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