theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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