Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
