the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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