I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
