So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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