they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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