My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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