The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
