I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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