weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
whose parrot is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize