We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
