Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
