careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
