it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
