drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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