I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
