i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
