He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize