He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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