the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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